- Buy a parrot. Teach the parrot to say, “Help! I’ve been turned into a parrot.”
- Have a conversation on Facebook with a friend. Delete all my comments. Make friend look insane.
- Divide by zero. Escape math class through the wormhole it creates.
- Boycott shampoo. Demand real poo.
- Wear shirt that says “Life.” Hand out lemons.
- Make vanilla pudding. Put in a jar of mayo. Eat in public.
- Spray a mosquito with mosquito repellent. Laugh because he will never have any friends.
- Live forever. It is a success, so far.
- Find a burger that looks like the one in a commercial.
- Make Where’s Waldo book. Exclude Waldo.
- Hide money in pocket of winter coat. Forget money is there. Get excited when I find the money there come winter time.
Please be patient with me. Please.
I will push you away. I will get panic attacks and run away. I don’t know why I am doing this. I really don’t know. All I know is that I really like you, but when I feel that someone actually likes me back, I just freak out.
I’m so sorry. I’m going to fuck it all up.